Post Number 2: Two short stories from today.

Story #1: A Case of Mistaken Identity.

So today after work, I take the Number 1 tram to the Spui (sounds kinda like spy) stop to drop off some rolls of slide film at the photoshop. It's nice out, so I decide to walk the rest of the way (about a 35 minute walk). About ten minutes into my walk, I'm stopped at an intersection, waiting for the "OK to cross" signal. I take my glasses off to clean a smudge on the left lens, lower interior. A tenacious smudge it was. I sense someone walking from my left quickly.

"Is it you?" he asks in English. Sounds German(?).
"Excuse me?" I take out my headphones.
"It is you! Can I haff your ow-to-graph?"
"Ummm..."
"You are not Rhett Miller?"
"Uh, No-oo."
"Are you sure?"
"Uh, Ye-ahhhh."
"Gotdammit. I swore it was you. Or, Rhett."
"Sorry to disappoint."
"It is ok. I haff to admit, I am a little on drugs right now."
"Sweet. Take care, buddy."

[Rhett Miller is an American singer/songwriter that used to sing for Old 97s, but now is a solo artist. By the way, I look NOTHING like him. He can be quite pretty, I would say. Maybe it's the hair? I dunno. My hair is starting to get longer, but it's not quite Mr. Miller's Mane.]

[I tried searching for pictures where we look remotely alike, and, alas, I have failed you all.]
-------------------------

Story #2: "Playing poker" with a beggar.

Continuing on my walk home, I walk through the Leidseplein, past Holland Casino Amsterdam, and onto the Vondelstraat. I've been walking the Vondelstraat more and more as opposed to the Vondelpark or the Overtoom. (Vondelpark is the big park near my place, Vondelstraat is the narrow-ish street just north of the park, and the Overtoom is the main road just north of the Vondelstraat.) I cross the only major intersection on the way, where trams, cars, bikes, motorbikes, and people are all heading in different directions. I see a man with a large backpack and a curiously small map across the street. As I continue on my way, approaching where he is standing, studying the map, he stops me.

"Do you speak English?" he asks. He's a Brit, about 5'9", hasn't shaved in I'd say a week, wiry blonde hair. His clothes are a little dirty, and he has a recent scratch on his nose. He doesn't look like your average beggar or drug addict. Just kinda dirty, like he's been out for at least a few days straight.
My gut tells me nothing's wrong here, so I reply (with a fake Dutch accent thrown over, just in case he's trying to target tourists for something):
"Hi. What can I do for you?"
"Oh Jesus, thank you. You know, you're the first one who's actually answered me both civilly and in English." He's speaking quite clearly, still clutching the little map. "Anyway, I don't want to take up too much of your time; I'm sure you're busy."

I'm expecting him to ask me for directions. Wouldn't be the first time someone's asked for directions - happens prolly twice or thrice a week-ish.

"So this is where I'd like to go," he points into the tiny map as I recognize in my head that, ok, that's in the red light district... "Now, I already know where it is and how to get there-"
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhso. Money.
"-so if you could just hear me out." Yep, he wants money. He gulps and clears his throat. He's nervous but trying to not appear so. I still feel ok about the whole thing, so I don't cut him off right there. We're in broad daylight and there are lots of people walking by. "You see, I've been here 11 days-"
Hoods his eyes. (Meaning, the eye lids close and hang down for a bit longer than they should) He's getting ready to lie. Bluff, if you will.
"-right now, I admit, I do look like a bum." He said that confidently. There's no lie there. "But I'm heading home in just over a day, and I really need a safe place to sleep-" Ahh, he hoods again and runs his hand over his cheek and covers his mouth for a brief moment. He's lying and displaying self-pacivating behavior, calming himself.
"-and this hostel is 20 euro a night," he points into the little map again and raises himself up a bit on his toes, making himself look a bit taller and more upright. His blinking rate starts to increase dramatically. "-and so far i've only been able to get 4-" his neck starts turning slightly more pinkish, and his Adam's apple moves up and down as he swallows again. He's getting ready for the big punchline, and he's nervous a bit - will he be able to make the score?
"-Can you help me out at all? I really don't want to go home looking like this." He hoods a third time and I can see his pulse in his neck as he awaits my decision - am I going to let him take down the pot (that's a clever pun, btw), or call his bluff?

"I'm sorry, but I can't give you any money," I say in my fake accent, after letting him finish his spiel. He's disappointed, as he looks downward and his body relaxes - that's a good sign, since it means that he's much less likely to try anything stupid if he's immediately calmed down.

"Oh well, thanks anyway." he says as he turns to walk the other way down the Vondelstraat toward the Stadhouderskade and the Leidseplein.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, as I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out a small bag of pistachios. I toss them over to him. "Maybe these will keep you going until you find what you're looking for."

"Oh. Cheers." He smiles a bit and walks off with a little spring to his step.


No way in hell was I going to give him money to use for something that prolly didn't include a safe place to sleep.
He asked if I could help, and I could, just not how he wanted. It still counts, in my book.

Who won the hand? I'm not sure. But if there's one thing I've learned from a lifetime of playing games, it's this: if you find out what someone wants you to do, and you do the opposite, you're usually much better off than they are. Here, I'm not so sure that applies. He didn't get what he wanted, and I was out some tasty pistachios. He got said pistachio nuts, and I had fun with a little mind game. Zero-sum for the hand, I guess. Chop-chop.

But I'm not the one who's short stacked.

Post Number 1: Filling in blanks.

Howdy, y'all. 'sbeen a while. I keep meaning to post more, but I'm finding myself completely worn out by the time I get home. This whole waking up early thing, it's not for me.

Let's see. Whathappen since we last talked... ah. On Saturday, Jakki and I went to Haarlem to go see the opening of a show at De Hallen, which is the Frans Halsmuseum's modern (think late 19th and early 20th c.) museum, located in the Grote Markt. The show is centered on one particular Dutch writer/art cricket/theorist/poet whose tendrils reached deep into the local art scene. I don't mean to make him sound evil, but he looked like a Bond villain. I'll get a picture and put it up eventually. I took Jakki to the FHM (not the magazine) so that she could get a look around. She has pictures. I don't recall if I had my camera with me that day or not, but suffice it to say, I took no pictures that day.

Sunday - My co-intern Abbie's boyfriend Derek owns a boat. So on a warm, sunny afternoon, Abbie, Derek, Jakki, I-self, and two friends of a friend of Abbie's - Brazillians named Milena and Solon - loaded up with snacks and took a nice 3-hour cruise on the canals and into the harbour. In our colourful armour. (no armor was involved - just realized that I spelled it "harbour")
I got a touch sunburnt. 'twas a good way to see the city.


That's Derek and Abbie.











Don't stand up on the boat, you might hit your head.













That's Milena and Solon.












I like strawberries and hummus. Not necessarily together, though.










Finally got the OK to go ahead with treatment. Going to be working on one of the sleighs, mostly cleaning. Consulted with a furniture conservator, and it's likely that he'll do the structural work. I'm having to pull out all of the tricks to get the cleaning to go smoothly - overpaint, pigmented and discolored varnishes, oil coatings, resinous original paint. It's fun.

One of the curators visited to see what I was doing - he seemed to like how things are going. He also told me more about these sleighs, like how they were important during courtship between rich families, and how young Dutch men would sing in bars about "how to keep your girl warm on the ice" and in the summer they'd sing about "how to get your girl wet on the beach." Very straightforward, the Dutch were/are.


I can't stress enough how important YouTube is. I can find clips of MY shows to fall asleep to. And that's important. I haven't watched much TV since I've been here - mostly at Jakki's while we're inbetween going places. Bear with the story here: The other day, we were flipping through the channels, and a game show comes on. That's cool, right? Everybody loves gameshows. On this show, there are two teams - 2 players on each team answering questions, and 2 players on each team performing physical challenges between question rounds, with the audience split into two groups so that they're on one of the teams, too. The questions are memory-based, where the teams try to memorize things like WHAT COLOR IS THE BALL, WHAT KIND OF PLANT DID THE WOMAN DROP, and WHAT KIND OF BOX WAS SHE CARRYING THE PLANT IN? Extremely rudimentary. Then we realized that everyone on the show was mentally challenged (is that the PC term still? I could rant about PCisms, but I'll save it), except for the host. This makes me wonder: 1. Who is the target audience? 2. What kind of ratings does this show get? 3. Do the contestants feel empowered by this? 4. Is this merely exploitative? 5. Who watches this, really?

I have no idea how to answer these questions. It was so incredibly bizarre, kinda sad, and kinda funny all at once. Dutch TV. Soccer (I'm putting my foot down and refusing to call it football. Football is football, and Europeans are terrible at it. Have you ever watched an NFL Europe game? The name NFL Europe makes no sense, too. National Footbal League Europe. There are several nations involved. Although a lot of the players do come from the States. But I digress. And the US is terrible at soccer.) and mentally challenged game shows.

Some of my favorite quotes from the past few days:

"I'm finding myself in one of those spots where I'm not sure if it's safe to burp. It could be incredibly relieving, or it could come with vomit in tow."
-Me, after gorging myself at De Boelhead
(See Jakki's post... I eventually defeated the pie, but it was a Pyrrhic victory, as my stomach swelled painfully to the size of an expensive ham - I am not accustomed to eating so much food at one time now.)
(14 June)

"I've turned down group sex before."
-Old American Lady at the Indian Restaurant
(16 June)

"Am I allowed to take my cell phone in? Wait, no, it just says no knives."
-Jakki Godfrey, at the Van Gogh Museum as we were about to pass through the security checkpoint before the Rembrandt-Caravaggio show.
(There were little pictograms above the metal detectors that said no backpacks, umbrellas or knives.)
(16 June)

"I started trying it when I was with my first wife, who wasn't into having any sex, let alone group sex."
-Old American Man at the Indian Restaurant
(16 June)

Weekend in Review, some observations, Cleaning tests, and the Mermaphrodite.

Ok. Quick catch up: Friday evening, went to the Rijksmuseum with Jakki. My "ICOM card" wouldn't do, so I had to pay the 10 euro admission (long story). The Rijksmuseum is currently under renovation, so right now they have a handful of galleries open, where they're showing their "greatest hits"... lots of great paintings, but not so sure it's worth the 10 euros. One could conceivably spend a good deal of time in front of each and every piece they have on display and still make it out of there in, iunno, 2.5 hours? There was a weird thing where they projected light onto Rembrandt's The Night Watch so that certain figures appeared to be 3-dimensional... difficult to describe, very strange. Went out for dinner afterwards. Eventually found a pizza place that worked ok for me. not bad, not great.

Saturday: walking about. resting.

Sunday: took a private tour (arranged by Mireille) with about 10 other people (including our own Jakki Godfrey) of the Rembrandthuis before the museum opened. Our tour guide was none other than Ernst van de Wetering - The Guy who wrote The Book on Rembrandt. He showed us their Rembrandt 400 exhibit, made up of paintings produced by Rembrandt during his 20-or-so-year stay at the house. Every room of the house has at least one Rembrandt in it - some have as many as 16. very cool, and one c'n't've asked for a better guide. (yes, i just made up a rare triple contraction. bite me, it's fun.)
Got falafel. Yumyum. Rested and read on my little porch/balcony/thing.

So that was my weekend.
---------
3 observations and questions:
1. I've seen far too many Yankee hats here. It's repugnant. Sure, I guess it's possible that I'm running into every single expat from New York that's here. It could happen. Really, it could. I'm assuming that they're Dutch people, though. I mean, I'm sure that they've just been wearing them in celebration of their two recent wins over my beloved Redsox. I wonder what they think of the Yanks' subsequent 4-game skid. How do the Dutch feel about Randy Johnson's miserable season? What about injuries that will likely sideline Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield until at least September, if not the entire season? Should I stop the next person I see that is wearing a NY Yankees hat and ask them these questions? Because I really really want to. Would that make me look like an asshole?

2. While we're on the topic of sports: Today at work, one of the security guys asked me how I felt about the US getting thrashed in their World Cup match by the Czech Republic. I shrugged my shoulders and said "maybe soccer just isn't our sport." (actually, i said football to him) He responded by saying something along the lines of how we must be jealous of the Dutch Soccer (Football) team. I told him that I had heard that their baseball team is amazing, too.

3. I am losing weight. Today I wore a pair of jeans that were quite tight (read: struggled with the top button) one month ago. When I did the old "pull the waist of the pants forward" routine, I had a solid two inches of room. Now, I have no way of certifying this now (as I am currently without scale), but I'm guessing that I've lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-12 pounds (how many kilos is that?) in that month. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. We'll see if if I end up ripped like Jesus. You know, that thing where you're skinny, but you're cut. AKA Dope obliques.


So anyway. Yesterday, took samples for cross-sections, among other things. Met Abby, the post-grad fellow at the museum. She graduated from the Courtauld program a year ago. Very nice. Her boyfriend (an American living in Amsterdam) has already suggested that we should get together and take a ride in the canals on his boat. Fair nough.

I shall leave you with images of cleaning tests I did today. Discolored (probably pigmented) varnishes, thick overpaint, lots of grime. good times. Everybody loves cleaning tests.






And, without further ado, I give you The Mermaphrodite. Fear its wrath and giant manboobs.

One week, tells, and a playlist.

Wow. I've officially been here over a week. This summer is going to disappear faster than I think.
So far today, I've been like the P in receipt. (i.e. I haven't done much) Work at the Frans Halsmuseum is only Monday to Thursday, so I'm trying to make it so that I can work at the ICN on Fridays. Haven't heard from them, so today's been a day off. I've needed it for sleep, actually. Not that I'm still jetlagged, but the sun rising earlier and setting later has me off a bit - I keep thinking that it's earlier than it is. It wasn't quite dark here until 11 last night.

So far the whole language thing has pretty much been a non-issue. Literally everyone that I've had to speak to so far has spoken English. I'm finding that I'm starting to build a vocabulary (especially with food ingredients). I almost never speak any Dutch, though, save for the occasional "dankuwel" or "spreekt u engels?" or maybe a "Nee, danku" to a beggar or someone trying to sell me something on the street. I can kind of follow conversations. Kind of. At work, it's difficult because we'll have our morning tea or lunch or afternoon tea and everyone is carrying on conversations in Dutch (as they should). Then someone will have to stop and translate ("we've just been talking about blah blah and blah") and then I say something, someone says something in response, then they go back to Dutch. It's a little awkward, to say the least.

But it's ok - I've always been an observer in these types of situations anyway. More than anything, body language and non-verbal communication -- tells, if you will -- are keeping me aware of exactly what's going on. I can see when somebody says something that's meant to be funny (so I can chuckle along), something that's not meant to be funny (so that I don't chuckle)... I've been able to pick out points when somebody says something that bothers someone else, who's flirting with whom, who around a table commands the most respect.. all of that. I'd say picking up on these things are way more helpful than any phrase list in the back of a guide book. See, poker isn't ALL that bad, right?

Speaking of which, there's a casino about 10-15 minutes by foot from where I'm staying. Have I played at all? nope. not a hand. haven't even gone to see what the games are like there. I might go once or twice, but I doubt it. There will always be another game. Who knows if I'll ever get to return here.

I might post again later tonight, prolly not. I'll leave you with the playlist that I've been listening to on my iPod on the way to work every day. Go find these songs. Do it. Do it NOW:

01. Lukewarm - New End Original 02. I'm Sorry I'm Leaving - Saves the Day
03. Hanging on the Telephone - Blondie 04. Collect from Clark Kent - Braid
05. Don't Panic - Coldplay 06. Just Like We Do - Eisley
07. She Smiled Sweetly - Rolling Stones
08. Lost in the Supermarket - The Clash
09. (What's so Funny About) Peace, Love, and Understanding - Elvis Costello
10. Stranger than Fiction - Bad Religion 11. American Idiot - Green Day
12. This is the Part - Gratitude 13. Theme from Kill Bill (extended version)
14. Halo - Martin O'Donnell 15. Ache - Jawbreaker
16. Smile Like You Mean It - Jeff Caudill featuring Buddy
17. If It's Here When We Get Back, It's Ours - Texas is the Reason
18. Four Chords, Seven Years - Gameface 19. Ali vs. Frazier I - Bane
20. Happiness - Elliott Smith 21. Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie

PS - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated
PPS - YouTube rocks & allows me to watch clips and episodes of MST3K while I fall asleep.

So, I am doing things besides walking around Amsterdam...

Howdy. This'll be a short post - I need to get to bed.

Today was my first day of work at the Frans Halsmuseum in Haarlem.

Met up with Mireille at Centraal Station, after missing the first tram there. I made it just in time and we literally had to jump on the train before the doors closed. it was some Indiana Jones action, sans hat and whip. ("Dr. Jones, no more parachute!")

Upon arriving in Haarlem, we walked to the museum. It's pretty much a straight shot - you walk straight down one street to the Grote Markt, a big square in the center of town, where the Grote Kerk is. The architecture in Haarlem is amazing - although the shops are modern, it looks as though most of the buildings haven't been touched since the 1600s. It blows my mind to think that ancestors of mine may have walked down the same streets (and saw the exact same architecture that I was seeing) when some of the Pilgrims were in Holland around 1610 (they eventually ended up in Leiden, where Robert Cushman secured the Speedwell). Then it's another straight shot down another street to the museum. A nice 20 minute walk.

At the museum, I got a tour of the conservation studio, had morning tea, then had a tour of EVERYWHERE in the museum - all the offices, all the storage spaces, everywhere. Met just about all of the employees, but it was so fast that I don't think I remember more than 6 names of the 20 or so people I met... maybe 7.

Then I discussed the internship with Mireille, and we looked at my main project together - a pair of ice skating sleighs, one from about 1700, the other from about 1770. They're basically made of panel paintings on four sides, carved wood, gilding, and metal hardware. Really complex from a structural, material, technical, and iconographic point of view. One of them has a merman with boobs. Liesbeth (the other paintings conservator, also very nice) asked what I'd call that. I said "a mermaphrodite." Not sure if that translated well back to her in Dutch. Oh well, wouldn't be the first time a joke of mine had failed. It'll be a tough project, and I'll prolly only get to treat one.

Had lunch in the museum cafe. that was nice. it's difficult because they speak Dutch most of the time, though... I'm finding I can follow the conversation well, though, just based on body language - but non-verbal communication is a topic for a later post.

I spent much of the afternoon walking the galleries. The collection is Amazing. if you want to see Dutch Mannerist art, go to the Frans Halsmuseum. can't be beat. It has quite a few of the greats that you might've seen in an art history course or in one of those big fat books that collects dust on someone's coffee table.

That's pretty much it for the day-- went really quickly. Sorry if the images don't illustrate well what i'm saying. I'll do better, i promise.

Take care, kids.
-m

A Very Long Post, Part III: Jakki's Here!

I woke up (on my own, mind you) at 530, 630, and 730 am. crazy what the time difference is doing to me. I listened to a podcast episode that i hadn't listened to yet (Cardplayer.com's the Circuit, if you must know) while laying in bed, trying to weigh out the benefits of another hour of sleep vs. getting up. I decided to get up, make some toast and have a mango. those produce stands are the best, but i really do need to remember to start asking for a receipt.

the plan for the day was to take a nice walk up to Centraal Station, catch a train to Schiphol Airport, meet up with Jakki who was en route, come back, and hang out until she could get into her apartment. oh yeah - and try to find a power transformer! (see my comment a few posts back) they're impossible to find everywhere, but they'd have to have them at the airport, right?

I started my walk around noon, figuring that i'd get to the station around 1. the walk was great - started going through the Vondelpark, past the Rijksmuseum, up through the center of the city, and finally to the train station. By the way, the weather's been perfect here: mid-60s, not too humid, nice breeze, no rain. It was quiet, as Atty tells me Sunday mornings are. Very few people out, even at noon. There was a group of old men hunkered over a giant chess game -- i stopped and watched a bit. It was amazing how these teams of 4 could openly discuss moves and several options 4 or 5 turns down the road with the other team listening in. The one team looked like they'd have mate in about 5 moves or so, but they made a mistake, leaving their queen side wide open for attack... the other team swooped in and had mate about 3 turns later.

anyway... the architecture and canals near the city's center are simply amazing, especially on a quiet Sunday morning (keep an eye out for Saturday night's vomit, though) 17th- and early 18th-century buildings one after another create giant walls with slightly different decorative motifs as you go - just looking at the gables, the brickwork, the carved door decorations, the shutters... it's a history lesson in itself. very sweet.

getting closer to the station, there was a notable buzz in the air-tons of people were flocking to the station to go see a football match leading up to the world cup: Netherlands v. Australia. It ended up being a brutal, physical match that ended in a tie. This made getting a ticket longer than expected, but i managed OK and got to Schiphol around 110. Jakki's plane from Heathrow was expected to arrive at 126 - just enough time to check the travel shops for a transformer.

NOTHING. all of my converstations went something like this:
"We have all the plugh adapters that you would neet."
"I already have plug adapters; what I need is a power transformer."
"Ja, you would need a transformer, too."
"Do you sell transformers here?"
"No."
"Dankuwel."

pretty sweet. turns out that the power adapters from the good folks at apple can handle all sorts of voltage, amperage, wattage... so that's good. (all of this posting right now).

anyway. Jakki got in, and I was glad to see her. Don't get me wrong - i like exploring this place and it's fun to think about all of the crazy stuff i've seen... but it'd be nice to bounce it off someone else who's experiencing the same stuff. Jakki hadn't slept at all during her flights - she was a trooper and made it through the day. I'll let her tell her story.

We got Jakki a train ticket, found the right platform, lugged the luggage, and rode to Centraal Station. There we got Jakki a Strippenkaart to ride the trams, found the right tram to Atty's place, and relaxed a bit once we got there. Atty is super nice, if i haven't said that before. she served us drinks, sat out in the garden with us, let Jakki keep her stuff there until we could head over to Jakki's place... real nice.

Jakki and I spent the day... walking. I've done so much walking already - prolly around 9 hours total since i've been here. easily more walking than i've done all year. that's sad. We strolled through Vondelpark and headed up to the city center, where we (eventually) found a place to eat after searching for a falafel joint. alas, they were all closed (that we could find). we ate a a thai place - kind of expensive-ish, but good, and a lot of food. we decided that it'd be better to split meals at places like this - neither of us could finish, and they don't give you doggie bags here.

We wandered back to Atty's, made some phone calls (Jakki's landlord wouldn't be around for 2 hours after he had said he would be... Jakki's nostrils were flaring), and went out walking again. this time, in search of the frozen banana poster i mentioned in the previous post. Couldn't find it. Thought I knew exactly where it was. Nope. We'll find it though, don't worry your sweet heads about it.

Went back to Atty's around 815ish, called Jakki's landlord, who said he'd be at the place in half an hour. Sweet. we walked the long walk (through the Vondelpark, past the Rijksmuseum, past the Heineken brewery, and there we were. a bit longer than we suspected. it prolly took about 40 minutes with luggage and getting semi-lost (we knew where we were going, just had a bad sense of the number of blocks). I was glad that her place is on the block of Huidecoperstraat that it is - the one across the street seemed sketchy - tons of graffiti, etc. etc. Her place is on a nicer block, closer to the canals, right by an Apple store (maybe just a repair place? we'll see.) Jakki's landlord seems nice and her place is cozy and cute. Hopefully i won't have to crash on the couch there, but if i have to, i think we'll be able to manage.

Anyway. this three-part post has been WAY TOO LONG. unless y'all enjoyed it. anyway. stay safe kids, and i'll post more soon.

-m

A Very Long Post, Part II: My trip can start now. I have Skittles.

I slept nearly 14 hours on Friday night - Saturday morning, from about 10pm to 12 noonish. All of this traveling and walking about takes a lot out of you.

Saturday was just bizarre - I saw and heard so many things that just blew my mind. I started off with another walk in Vondelpark. It's a great walking park - nice and quiet, people walking, biking, playing socc-er... football. saw numerous couples making out and groping in broad daylight. never a dull moment. what fascinates me most are the animals. first, dogs are allowed to walk sans leash - but it's ok because they're all incredibly well-behaved... although i did see a male bulldog try to mount a male cocker spaniel. that was funny. the birds are great - there are several blue herons (not herrings, that's a fish)around, some ravens, and these strange birds that are shaped like a mix between crows and pigeons. They're black in their wings and upper body and along the spine and white underneath, with these rich blue patches on their backs between their wings, and to top it all off, iridescent green along their long tail feathers. really cool. they act somewhat like crows do. I've also noted that birds do a lot more hopping about that what i've seen back home.

anyway. i decided to try to get lost and find my way again. you know, to branch out into other areas of the city. i basically covered the area north of the museum district and Vondelpark, but southwest of the city center. here's where the bizarre begins.

In the park, there was a group of people talking as i was walking by. now, one way of saying 'thank you' in dutch is "bedankt
". one guy was thanking another member of his party, and he stumbled on his words, so it came out: "bedankt-uh-dankt". Say that slowly... ok, now with a little lest stress on the t's...
that's right. a dutchman said "badonkadonk" to a lady friend while i was walking by. I couldn't help but chuckle... and then laugh... and then guffaw as i walked away.

from this, i learned: 1) i am pretty immature. i'm ok with that. it's endearing, to a degree. 2) "badonkadonk" was just about the last word i expected to hear this summer. 3) i can't make this up if i try.

what a way to start the day. then, i saw three (3) bicycle accidents in the span of 25 minutes: the first involved two gentlemen turning into the same corner while talking on cell phones - that was pretty. the second and third involved women - rather, men riding bikes watching women bicyclists who weren't exactly dressed for biking, followed immediately by men running into inanimate objects.

Here, i learned that 1) the bicyclists in Amsterdam are, for the most part pretty aware of what they're doing but 1a.) they ARE aggressive and 1b.) they DO get into accidents. 2.) women should probably not wear low cut shirts and lean forward while biking into a pack of men biking the opposite direction. 3.) women should probably not wear tiny skirts while biking. underwear may be desirable in this case as well. 4.) i should really take my camera with me everywhere i go.
(not for the cleavage or nudity. you pervs.)

after the bike demolition derby, i decided to step into a grocery store to pick up some things. it baffled me how many american products are here in europe, but in flavors that we haven't heard of back home... the currant flavor of my beloved Skittles, for example. curiosity got the better of me and i decided to pick up Thai Sweet Chili Pringles because 1) they're vegan and 2) i had never heard of such a thing. and i don't even like Pringles. they're weird. vaguely BBQ flavored with a bit of a cheesy taste... and there's no cheese involved. hmm..... i also picked up diet coke with lime. much more bitter than in the US, and with more of a non-descript citrus flavor... not bad at all. anyway, the rest of the shopping was interesting because the vast majority of products here are labelled in Dutch. my Dutch is terrible, but i can ferret out a few key ingredients. for the rest of the ingredients, if i suspect that there is something dairy involved, that usually means a trip to the dairy section to compare words and roots. takes a while. kinda fun. i'll be able to survive here, but i'm sure there'll be plenty of slip-ups along the way. getting used to the euro and "oh my how cheap everything seems" will take a while. also got some fake meat, some sauce, some acacia honey (yumm), some hummus, some juice, and bread. oh yeah, and Skittles!

(Editor's note: at the time of posting, all of the skittles had been eaten. please send toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, and dental floss. future donations of polident or fixodent may be necessary.)

immediately after leaving the grocery store, what do i see in the little square nearby? a freaking country line dancing demonstration! wtf. i've never seen one in the states, and i come all the way to amsterdam to see one? can't the US send over a dance with some rhythm? please?!

This taught me that 1) don't buy something just because it's vegan and you're curious. 2) maybe it was a sign that i shouldn't be buying so many american products. comfort foods are good, but i'm here to try new things. 3) americans need a better dance. and 4) i should really take my camera with me everywhere i go.

That was pretty much a northern trek, so i continued eastward, then south eventually, in an attempt to get back to the house (i hadn't purchased a grocery bag at the first store, so i was carrying most of the stuff in my daybag/manpurse and also by hand.)... (also, it had been about 2 hours by this point.) eventually i cut down one street, which had a small shop that sold frozen treats. in the window was an incredibly vulgar poster: it was essentially the bottom half of a woman's face, in profile, devouring a chocolate-and-nut-covered frozen banana. she was going all out (or all in, perhaps); it was messy. who are the ad wizards who came up with that one? (must... buy... frozen... bananas...)
Not a minute after the frozen deepthroat stand, a woman pushing a baby cart/carriage/thing walks towards me, and her daughter in tow, maybe 2, starts making faces at me, so i make one back. the kid responds by holding up one index finger and giving me the dirtiest evil eye i have EVER received. kids these days.

from this i learned that 1) advertising isn't so different here, and they can prolly get away with more. and 2) i really should take my camera with me everywhere i go.

at that point, i went home, had a snack, called k (who just got an adorable pup named Mina, pictured above), and crashed. i was pooped. i woke up after a bit, had another snack (i.e. Skittles), brushed my teeth forever, looked over my morning walk to Centraal Station, and slept quite well. liking this place more and more, but what a bizarre day.

A Very Long Post, Part I: preface to Skittles.

so where was i when we last parted? oh yeah. day 1. Friday. so i got in ok, did some walking around: up and down Overtoom (the main road that my little alley shoots off of), all around Vondelpark, and north on Jan Pieter Heijestraat. the architecture in this area is a lot less interesting than in the center of the city - it's all 19th century stuff here. sounds cool for back home and all - my apartment building in wilmington was built in 1886 - but it's not that old here. there's a small mansion that's used as an office building on Vondelstraat (runs along the top of Vondelpark) that was also built in 1886, and the differences are staggering.

side note: on the plane, i was listening to a lot of mitch hedberg (an insanely funny comedian who died in 2005), and it made me wonder how much it must suck to know that as a comedian, even at the top, you prolly won't be able to tour successfully in europe. do they have standup in mongolia? kenya? peru? it's a very strange profession, when you think about it...

anyway. i ended up taking a nap, because i just couldn't stay up. i really wanted to, but i just couldn't. atty (the woman who's house i'm staying in & friend of my supervisor, Mireille, at the Frans Halsmuseum) was busy having music rehearsals with friends. she plays the bassoon. i went back out to the grocers and produce stands on Jan Pieter Heijestraat and picked up things for dinner - Mireille was coming over, and the three of us were to have dinner together. Only catch - they don't know how to cook vegan. just wouldn't know where to start. so i made a simple dinner: pasta with a sauce made from sun-dried tomatoes, lots of basil, capers, garlic, spices, diced tomatoes, and roasted red pepper and eggplant, and a salad of fresh mango, avocado, and red onion. super easy, super good. super budget - the whole thing cost me around 13 euros. the produces stands are amazing - great quality, really cheap.

conversation was good - talked about being vegan, conservation, weather in the states, etc... both atty and mireille are incredibly nice - i'm hoping to be able to stay here as long as i can this summer, and i know i'm going to have a great time and learn tons at work.

all of that, and the sun doesn't go down completely until about 10:20pm. pretty awesome.

in the 'dam

so hey, i'm over here now.
got in just fine. the plane ride was nice and smooth. i didn't get much sleep, though.
i managed to get one of the "special vegetarian" meals, even though i hadn't asked for one... they just had one left over. score, right?
NOOOOOOOOOoooo.
apparently, the "special vegetarian" meal consists of a salad already covered in ranch dressing, an apple sauce-type container of cole slaw, a buttery roll, and tofu swimming in a creamy sauce. pretty awesome how i can land a "special vegetarian" meal and not be able to eat anything of it. in-flight movie? big momma's house 2. that's right. martin lawrence cross-dressing in a fat suit. followed by an episode of "daddy's spoiled girl," wherein two young trollops guilt their father into spending thousands of dollars on shit that they don't appreciate. it's pretty staggering, the amount of money that goes into this guy trying to show his daughters that he cares for them (because love IS money and money IS love, after all, right?). we're talking upwards of $60k of ridiculous stuff like hosting a slumber party in a presidential suite in a 5-star resort hotel. a birthday party with belly dancers and sword swallowers and fire dancers. and the girls still act like money-grubbing brats. because that's what they are. i hope i do a better job in the future, should i get that chance.

but anyway. no big deal about that. i'm here in one piece and that's all that's important. found the house that i'm staying in fine... it's a nice, small, 4-story 19th-century house pretty much overlooking Vondelpark. i have the top floor - essentially where the building comes up to a point. it's very cute. i have a small terrace that overlooks the gardens behind the building(s).
i'll post pictures soon enough.

leaving k behind at the airport was tough. very glad i have something real.

more later.